This week is kind of an
emotional one for me. Yesterday I took Anya to register for kindergarten. I am
not sure how this happened so quickly. So, in needing to try and understand it
I wrote my little kindergartener and letter.
My Dear Anya,
It seems like yesterday just the two of us were
sitting down in the basement playing dress up all day taking pictures waiting
for dad to come home from work. Now here I sit in the basement with crazy noise
coming from Huey and Lukey upstairs wondering how this all happened. Your
birthdays have come and gone over the years and I haven't thought much about
them, until yesterday I thought I was fine. You were so excited to go to your
new school. We walked into the school (you wouldn't hold my hand) and it hit me
like a ton of bricks that my little baby was growing up. I am not ready to
let you go into this world. I am not ready to only see you in the evenings. I
am not ready to turn you over to someone else for the majority of the time. I
have always been the one you have spent most of your time with. I have always
been the one to teach you new things. I have been the one that gets to see your
face light up when something clicks in your head. I am not ready for someone
new to take my place doing those things. I will miss you coming into my room
and cuddling in the morning. I will miss you being my constant helper and best
babysitter when I just need a minute to myself. I will miss you playing with
your brothers and watching over them all day. I will miss our one on one time
while the boys are napping. I know you have to grow up, I know you need to
learn more things that I cannot teach you by myself, but I am scared, I am not
ready. You will do great! You are so smart you will be the top of your class
without a doubt. You will be that friend to the one who doesn't have friends.
You will be the one who knows the answer but quietly waits until you are called
on to give it. You will be the one whose heart hurts when you see others being
mean to another. That is just who you are. You came to us that way. You came
with the kindest sweet spirit. You came to us a VERY special daughter of God. I
know you are not perfect and I know you will make mistakes along the way, but I
also know you will try your best to correct the wrongs. Anya, I hope that I have taught
you all the things you will need to go out into the world where ugly is every
so present. I hope through your example you can show others you can conquer the
ugly. But most of all Anya, please know that you are a Daughter of God and that
He cares so much for you and loves you even more than I do. (That is hard for
me to comprehend.) He will always be there for you when you feel alone or
scared at school. He will always be there even when I can't be. You will be
watched over and protected. Please remember that I love you! Please remember
that whatever happens you have a safe place to come home to every night. Please
remember that I am and always will be your biggest fan. You are my sweet
"Awnie Bonnie" and you will forever be my first little piece of
heaven on earth!
Love Always, Mom
